Spring has sprung. Well, if we’re being honest it kind of erupted into one day of sunshine before dissolving into storm Katie and hailstorms. However, while the lighter nights and marginally warmer days are a welcome relief to us all, it is a perilous time that can inflict a non hayfever related headache upon us all.
- Not being summer body ready
I’m currently lugging around two layers of extra fat on my stomach, the first one is from Christmas where I got halfway through December and thought ”FUCK IT!” and unashamedly began binging on every mince pie, chocolate and pig in blanket I could get my hands on. The second layer is from Easter, I know Easter only ended last week, but the amount of chocolate I’ve eaten combined with a Chinese all you can eat buffet and cinema popcorn I gorged on over Easter weekend means my stomach would look great on a buddha. In the winter, it’s easy to ignore any added layers of fat because you can just cover it in knitwear. However, as spring arrives and the temperature rises you suddenly realise two things 1) It’s getting two warm to wear jumpers and 2) Me and my bingo wings and spare tyres are not compatible with a bikini. Yep, as summer draws ever closer, it’s time to stick a picture of Rihanna in a string bikini on the fridge for motivation and hit the gym so we’re ready for those instaworthy beach photos.
2) Not being sure of what to wear
British weather is tempermental at the best of times, but in Spring it’s completely unpredictable. Last Sunday, I woke up to a clear but slightly miserable sky then it transformed into a mini storm with rain lashing the window and then an hour later it was warm and breezy. If it’s a Sunday and you’re chilling at home with Netflix in your PJs then this isn’t much of an issue. However, if you actually have to leave the house it’s a nightmare. You don’t know whether to dress for a monsoon or the beach. Also, because we live in the UK, we know we’ll only get sunshine until June before it descends into the annual summer downpours which means we can’t pack our winter clothes away for the summer because we’ll be digging them out again by July.
Every March/April, without fail I come down with the most horrendous cold known to man. I was struck down by my annual cold a couple of weeks ago and lost all sense of smell: A couple of weeks ago you could have put a bucket of rotting food under my nose and I wouldn’t have even known. This is another issue with Spring, the changing season seems to bring a bucketload of germs with it as well. I think its particularly worse in London when you’re all crammed together on the tube breathing in each others sweat, skin particles and general illness. Plus, the raised temperature is the perfect breeding grown for germs.
4) You start becoming borderline alcoholic.
The UK is a region of drinkers. The photos grace the newspapers every New Years Eve of Brits so drunk they have thrown up in their kebab, passed out with their skirts around their neck or are flashing their genitals to everyone who makes eye contact is proof we aren’t very good drinkers, but nonetheless we are still a nation of drinkers. As soon as Spring has sprung, so do the invites to pub gardens, rooftop terraces, and lunchtime trips to the pub with colleagues. It is kind of ironic, that the UK gets so little sun that when we eventually get it we choose to enjoy it by getting so drunk we can’t even remember it. Sure, we may say we are only going for one drink, but we all know that one drink will turn into tequilas and before you know it you’ve spent so much money that you probably own shares in tequila and you’ve missed the last train home.
I haven’t seen a spider in my house for months. The last time I saw a spider was last summer when I watched in horror as this eight legged monster crawled across my wall before disappearing behind my wardrobe. However, I don’t what it is that makes spiders emerge in the spring but they do and I’m unhappy about it. Last night, I spotted a tiny baby spider on my ceiling and I was like ”Fam, you’ve gotta go, because I know in two weeks you’ll be the size of my hand and I’ll be too scared to hoover you up”. I know spiders are everywhere and they help get rid of other creepy crawlies in the house, but I don’t want to be aware of their presence. If they hideout under the floorboard then that’s fine, I just don’t want to be sat on my bed one day and look up to see a tarantula on my because it’s just too much for my heart to handle.