Things I thought when Kim Kardashian broke the internet.

Last week Kim Kardashian released some pictures of her from a photoshoot she did with Paper Magazine which was titled ”Break the internet” and everyone just seemed to lose their minds. Some people (i.e Daily Mail readers) were slamming her saying she looked gross, she was a disgrace and how can Kanye be ok with his wife stripping off naked, and other people were dribbling over her glistening buttocks and vehemently denying that it was surgically enhanced even though it clearly is. Personally, I went from being amused, to baffled to amused again. I don’t have much of an opinion on Kim Kardashian either way, I don’t dislikeย her but equally I would find watching paint try more fascinating than watching an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians because after 1 million seasons of the show and the numerous spin offs I just don’t understand what there is to keep up with anymore. However, I would be lying if I denied I did not have some thoughts on Kim’s latest photoshoot and they pretty much went along these lines:

1) She looks good

Let's not hate she looks good.

Let’s not hate she looks good.

I am very well aware that Kim Kardashian has had surgery, and anyone who days she hasn’t needs to look at photos of Kim circa 2006. I am also aware that her Break the internet photo shoot is photoshopped, but I don’t even care. Most of the images in magazines/adverts etc have been photoshopped, which I know some people disagree with but that’s another debate. When I saw the photo my first thought was “Oh Kim is naked again” and my second was “She looks good”. Yes, her bum is huge but I’m half black and I have a big bum so naturally I tend to think bigger bums look more attractive on women. Yes, her skin is glistening more than that of a freshly roasted chicken with the juices spilling out, but her photoshopped body just looks so curvy and nice! And anyone who says differently is just a hater.

2) But we’ve seen Kim naked before?

How Kim originally became famous

How Kim originally became famous

What fascinated me about the whole Break the internet thing is that people acted like it was a big deal that Kim had stripped off. In a quick google search you can find a video where Kim is not only naked but having sex with Ray J who claimed in a song that he “hit it first” when he clearly didn’t. Although, most of the sex tape is just Kim lying there like a rag doll…..or so I have been told. Whilst Twitter and the Daily Mail had a meltdown over Kim balancing a champagne glass on her Photoshopped bum, I was just sat there thinking “Are you aware that the only reason Kim is famous is because she released a sex tape?”. I don’t know why a photoshoot of Kim getting naked got so much attention when the only reason she has a ”career” is because people saw her fornicating with Ray J. It is basically like throwing a tantrum in Mcdonalds because they gave you a full fat coke instead of diet when you also asked for a Big Mac with a large fries and a Mcflurry.

3) Why is everyone losing their minds?

Even though I think Kim looks good in that photo. I have seen so much of her glistening buttocks in the last week that I have permanently lost any desire to eat a glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut ever again. However, even though I am sick of seeing that photo, the internet helped me laugh through it. It started off quite innocently enough by sticking the upper half of Kim’s body on a horse’s body so she looked like an x rated cenataur but then things escalated and suddenly Kim’s bum was being photoshopped onto the tops of hot air balloons. Someone actually taped the photo to a coffee machine so when you pressed for coffee it looked like it was pouring out of Kim’s bum like she was a victim of food poisoning, and when I saw that video I was at work and just sat there sniggering behind my desk like a 10 year old boy for five minutes. Then things got a little bit out of control, I saw a Youtube video titled ”What does Kim Kardashian’s ass say about humanity?”, some feminists were arguing that Kim was being body shamed and others were discussing how Kim taking her clothes off meant nothing because the female body has already been sold and I just like ”WTF?”. I found the photos funny because they were just absurd but actually quite clever and I found the feminist discussion around baffling because there are young girls in the world who are forced to undergo FMG (Female genital mutilation), being forced into arranged marriages with men twice their age and women who have had acid thrown in their faces for being ”Immoderately dressed” and feminist journalists have decided to use their platform on a national paper to discuss Kim Kardashian’s ass *Slow clap*. It is not even a big deal, Kim has stripped off before and she will probably strip off again.


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