Things the Great British Bake Off has taught us about life.

In a world where it seems everything is awful, there is a programme that has allowed us to escape to a world where the biggest problem is burnt biscuits and leaky tarts (Not a euphemism). Yes, I am talking about the Great British Bake Off. Bake Off has taught us a lot of things about baking, we now know how the ice cream cone came into existence and that lavender really should not be put in meringue (We still love you Norman). However, Bake Off has also taught us many important life lessons, such as:
1) There is no such thing as an over achiever 

Bake Off’s golden child has been Martha, she is basically the baking world’s answer to Hermione Granger, anything you can bake Martha can bake bigger and better. Martha is also seventeen years old and whilst filming Bake Off was also doing her AS level exams and coursework, she is a great ambassador for young people. Most people think teens are out getting drunk and getting high from sniffing glue, the only thing Martha is getting high off is the fumes of her freshly baked tarts. Naturally, I am jealous of Martha because she is intelligent, talented and has amassed more Twitter followers in a week than I will probably get in a lifetime. Regardless, Martha has shown us that there is no such thing as an over achiever. It makes me look back at 16 year old me, who cried as I went into my GCSE maths exam, with pity. Yes, I found algebra difficult but at least i didn’t have to spend my weekends in the kitchen having Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry scrutinise whether my pastry was too flaky as well.

2) Innuendos are the backbone of British comedy.

Generally, British people do not say what they mean. We are infuriatingly polite and hate confrontation, if someone pushes in front of us in the queue the most we will do is tut at them. Remember how teachers used to say ”That’s one way of looking at it” when you offered an opinion in class which immediately translated into ”That is completely wrong”? The British can never say what they really mean. This is why innuendos are so popular in British humour. Unless you are a cast member of Geordie Shore or out with the girls and on your fourth cocktail, the Biritish don’t really like talking about sex in public. Innuendos allow the British to be a bit cheeky and feel a little bit naughty; we may not feel comfortable telling someone they pushed in or talking about tingle lube but we feel fine making innocent things sound dirty. Bake off is proof of this which can be seen by how Mel and Sue tell contestants ”Stop touching your dough balls!”, ”You have got two hours to pop Mary’s cherry!”, and ”It’s all in the wrist action” and by how Twittersphere unite to giggle over each innunedo like naughty school children who have just drawn a penis in a textbook. My favourite Bake Off innuendo is “It’s too runny for me to put inside. It’s going to all ooze out and I don’t want that to happen”. I’m sure many girls relate to that one.

3) Don’t tell tales.

This of course exludes things like turning in muderers etc, but sometimes in life you can get someone into trouble for something they have done but you choose not to. Only a couple of weeks ago Ian was eliminated from Bake Off because Diana removed his ice cream from the freezer causing it to melt meaning he couldn’t complete his Baked Alaska. Working in high temparatures and under a lot of pressue, Ian did what most of us would have done in that situation: flung everything in the bin and ran off to presumably have a little cry. It was at this point I think a lot of people watching Bake Off wished that it had live audiences in the tent so they could chant ”Get Diana out!”(who knew Baked Alaska could cause so much controversy). However, when Ian came face to face with Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood, who had come to taste and judge everyone’s Baked Alaskas, holding the bin which contained his melted creation he chose to hold onto his dignity. Twitter, however, was not so dignified and tweeters crowned Diana with the hashtag #DirtyDiana and punished by making memes:

4) Baking and Politics go hand in hand.

Even though we watch back off to disengage our brains from all the depressing news the media bombards us with, like cream seeping out of a leaky tart politics occasionally seeps into Bake Off’s consciousness. As well as there being an disorganised protest on Twitter demanding #justiceforIan., Bake Off was also used to comment on the Scottish Referendum. People were saying that ”The Great Scottish Bake Off” doesn’t sound as catchy as the ”The Great British Bake Off” and taunted Scottish voters when Bake Off was being aired by saying they would have to bid farewell to their weekly fix of Paul Hollywood crushing people’s dreams and Mary Shelly’s on trend jackets. Naturally, I think we can all assume that Scotland waved away independence not because they weren’t even informed about what currency an independent Scotland would have or because Salmond as ruler is quite frankly terrifying, but because the Scots were not prepared to risk losing an hour a week of frivolity and people crying over undercooked pastry.


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