Messages nobody really wants to see.

So I know many of you won’t see this post because you’ll be busy throwing punches at the boxing day sales. I always abstain from boxing day sales because I’d probably end up face down on a police car being charged for assault after fifteen minutes, and because I don’t see the point in going shopping when I’m carrying an enormous food baby from the day before. I actually woke up this morning and the ball from by belly bar had unscrewed which hasn’t left me feeling too great about myself (I’m going for a run later). Also, I’m saving my money to buy a festival ticket so I’m not wasting it on stuff I didn’t want/need before.

Anyway, this is an exceptionally short blog post but a conversation I had with a friend via text yesterday which had me crying with laughter made me write it because it really is too good not to share (I have her explicit permission). I’m used to waking up from messages from a night out that usually go along the lines of ”Where are you?”, ”Mumqa I love you” and ”How was last night?”, but sometimes there are some messages which are….things we’d rather not be on the receiving end of.


1) ”Do you have anything?”

The face you pull when someone asks you if you have HIV.

The face you pull when someone asks you if you have HIV.

So last month one of my friends had a ”sleepover” which is basically another word for one night stand, and it was all good and everyone was happy. Last week my friend text me late at night saying that the male she had had a sleepover with had messaged her on Facebook basically saying ”Do you have anything, because I think I’ve got symptoms”. So my friend screenshotted her texts from the sexual health clinic showing she didn’t have anything, and explained she didn’t make a habit of one night stands, all at the time same thinking ”I’m pretty sure chlamydia doesn’t have any symptoms!and we used protection!”. Anyway, her sleepover buddy said it was all cool, and he believed her, but he’d just been worried because he’d been ill recently and had a small skin rash so thought she’d given him HIV, to which my friend said to me in a text ”Clearly, I give  off that impression”

My friend and her buddy are now friends on Facebook because ”Now we’ve actually interacted on Facebook we have to add each other!”. Yesterday in the middle of texting she said *regarding her sleepover buddy* ”He’s posted a facebook status saying christmas is a great reminder that family and your health are the most important things in life. Do you think I should comment saying ”So you don’t still think you have HIV then?” to which I started crying with laughter, and told her he would die if she wrote that. Of course, my friend never commented on the status, because in reality she finds the whole thing hilarious but it was still amusing to imagine.

2) ”Mess”

Who was eyeing up my friend.

Who was eyeing up my friend.

So on my last night out of term I went out with a friend who is on medication and is not supposed to drink, but can have a couple of glasses but will get drunk really easily. We got to the union and I remember my friend getting forty pounds out which is the moment we can pin point the night was going to get out of hand. Anyway, at around 1:00am I noticed my friend was dancing really weirdly and looked a lot drunker than everyone else around her, and it took me another half an hour to realise we’d been going to the bar an awful lot. To say the penny dropped was an understatement, and I literally had to drag her away from the bar and bundled her out of the union before a bouncer spotted her and did it themselves. The next morning my friend tweeted about the fact it was the first DBE she couldn’t remember and I just replied with one word ”Mess’. Now, we’ve all had those nights where things become a little hazy, but I know for a fact that none of us would like to see the words ”Mess” come up on our phone screen when trying to work out what happened the night before.



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