New Year Resolutions I won’t be making.

So 2013 is coming to a close, and I knew the year wasn’t going to fantastic when I spent the first few days of it thinking I was going to be meeting my creator soon as I lay in bed struck down by the Noro Virus. There were some epic highs and some horrible lows, but overall I’m hoping 2014 is going to be a better year than 2013 which I’m ending with an abscess which REALLY HURTS. Anyway, this is the time we all start thinking about new year resolutions and here are some I WON’T be making.

Greetings from 2015 

Just so you all know: 2014 was a good year.

1) Eating less chocolate.

If wanting her body  is wrong, I don't want to be right.

If wanting her body is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

One night me and my housemates spent an evening googling pictures of our body ideals instead of doing productive things like our coursework. Their body ideals were Victoria Secrets models and mine was Rihanna which left me wondering whether what I think is attractive is completely different to everyone else, and also staring a bit too long at photo’s of Rihanna in a bikini.The night ended with me sticking a piece of paper on the fridge with the words ”RIHANNA WOULDN’T” scrawled across and me and one of my housemates decided to give up chocolate.

My housemate caved on day 2 and I lasted till day 5, but unfortunately on the friday I was in a whole world of trouble after DBE and found comfort staying in bed for the entire day guzzling cranberry juice and opening a selection box. I’m not going to even attempt making this a new years resolution because it is inevitable I will get chocolates for christmas, and on January 2nd I will be relocating to the library for three weeks in attempt to meet my deadlines so I need some joy in my life, and if it comes in the form of chocolate so be it.

2) Lose weight

Popping open champagne: What restaurant staff do when they realise it's exam season.

Popping open champagne: What restaurant staff do when they realise it’s exam season.

This isn’t because I’m under any illusion that Rihanna would get body envy if she saw me, but because I know I’ll be surrounded by selection boxes etc for the duration of January and I’m really just setting myself up for fail. Also, it is a well known fact that students completely sack off eating healthily during the exam period which has takeaway businesses throwing parties in their kitchens as they prepare to feed the hordes of students trapped in the library having a meltdown which only a cheese and tomato pizza can rescue them from.

Also, people always announce they are going on a diet after christmas, but surely it should be a lifestyle change? After all, you can live on salad for two months and lose a stone but as soon as you start eating normally again then enjoy watching the pounds pile on quicker than the how fast people’s electricity bills rose during december thanks to fairy lights. As soon as I’m free from the Pilkington and deadlines I’ll be making it my priority to eat a healthy and balanced diet, but until then it’ll be food that doesn’t require me having to move too far from my laptop.

3) Drink Less

What I'll be saying to my liver on the 17th.

What I’ll be saying to my liver on the 17th.

After giving up alcohol for Lent, I do not feel the need to make the new years resolution to drink less. I spent 40 days and nights dryer than the sahara dessert much to many people’s disbelief. I know people often take part in Dryathalon over January which I commend people for,however, I’m a third year and my social life and alcohol consumption has shriveled up like a week old balloon; in January I intend on celebrating the fact I made it through semester one of third year, and I plan on doing said celebrations firmly in alcohol’s clutches, and I’m making no apologies for it!


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