Ok, this title is slightly misleading because these are first world problems that I’VE faced in the last week and I’m not sure how many of you should be in GTA (Green tea anonymous) or is currently at war with a spider, but let’s pretend that I’m the average person:
1) I’ve run out of Green Tea and now have to drink ordinary tea.
I’m a complete Northern stereotype in that I really like a cup of tea, but a couple of weeks ago it was getting to the point where I was on four cups a day and was beginning to feel like a crack addict waiting for my next fix when I woke up in the morning, because my first thought was ”I need a cup of tea!”. Now, there is no way I’m giving up tea (Self confessed addict) but I decided I could make this work in my favour by switching to green tea which tastes pretty much the same and is better for you.
So I did, and all was well (until I got a bag of it out a work and someone said to me ”What’s that? Weed in a teabag?”) until I went home to Sheffield one evening and realised I didn’t have my weed in a teabag fix there because I’m the only person who drinks it. I then faced the dilemma of switching back to my heroin of ordinary tea or going cold turkey with no morpheme that is Green Tea at all. Fortunately, Just-had-her-weed-in-a-teabag fix Zoe had looked after Cold turkey Zoe by putting a couple of green tea bags in her bag which was enough to see her through until the morning when she could go get another stash.
2) My laptop, tablet and phone are all low on battery
So I reregistered for third year the other day, and I had an ”Oh, crap. I’m behind on my summer reading. I really need to start use my kindle for reading more than the Daily Mail’s showbiz section”. So I got home yesterday and my phone was low on battery so I started charging it, and then I got my Kindle out to catch up on some reading and that was on about 20% battery so THAT needed charging before I could finally start doing some reading. THEN I decided to book some things online so I got my laptop out and THAT was low on battery and I couldn’t remember where I’d put my charger. So there I was, sat on the sofa with a laptop, tablet and smart phone all on low battery, and all I could think was ”This is a classic first world problem”.
3) I can’t have a bath because there’s a spider in it
So I’ve been home alone this week whilst my Dad wanders around Singapore looking at monkeys, and my Mum and Sister have swanned off to Turkey and Egypt respectively to get a nice tan. So far everything is going well; the house hasn’t been burned down to the ground and all the animals are still alive including the plague of spiders that have overtook the house in their hundreds.
Now, Green Day have a song called ”Wake me up when September ends” and I’ve been singing that a lot for the past week, because September is spider season and I’d quite happily sleep through the whole of September to avoid seeing all the photos people have posted on social networking sites of the tarantulas they have in their houses. I don’t like spiders, but generally when I see them I just ignore them because they usually disappear pretty quick, and if I can’t see them then I don’t care. I don’t go after them with a shoe like some people (My Mum).
However, yesterday afternoon I found a spider in the bath and I just thought ”Ok, it’s only going to be there for a few hours TOPS. I’ve already showered today so it’s cool. I don’t need to kill it”. Three hours later, twelve hours later, twenty eight hours later and that humongous spider is still in the bath. I’ve now seriously had to consider how I’m going to kill it. I’ve been advised against trying to drown it as they are good swimmers, so now I’m stuck between getting the hoover out, dragging it upstairs and sucking it up or putting one of my cats in the bath in the hopes one of them will kill it. Guess who wouldn’t last five minutes in Australia?