Why there needs to be an “The Only Way is Yorkshire”

So the recent trend in reality (and I use that term very loosely) TV is casting some people from a certain area into a tv programme and either giving them a script to read from (The Only Way is Essex) or inhumane amounts of alcohol (Geordie Shore, The Valleys). I used to think that there shouldn’t be an “The Only Way Is Yorkshire” or “The Moors” because I’d like my county to be free from ridicule. After two years of being a northerner in a predominantly southern university, I decided I’d like Yorkshire to keep a little of its pride and not be mocked by the rest of the country. However, after spending some time on Twitter and thinking some more about it, I realised Yorkshire SHOULD have its own tv programme, and here is why:

1) It’d make some swear words acceptable.

Wondering if a Yorkshire person said ''Couldn't'' or...

Wondering if a Yorkshire person said ”Couldn’t” or…

I have the Twitter account “Yorkshire Problems” to thank for this. As you may know, some swear words are rarely allowed to make television due to being seen as too offensive. However, the Yorkshire accent pronounces some inoffensive words as offensive, like the word “couldn’t”, it comes out as c-u-n-t. Isn’t that just fantastic? The Yorkshire accent may be mocked because it makes us sound stupid/like farmers etc etc but we’re actually incredibly smart, because anybody not from the moors won’t know whether they are being insulted or not if they hear a Yorkshire person say “You couldn’t”.

2) You see actual countryside.

Yorkshire's version of dog poo (Yorkshire problems)

Yorkshire’s version of dog poo (Yorkshire problems)

Leicestershire may have the national forest, which someone once said to my friend who is from Leceister “They should replace all of the midlands with the national forest” (bit harsh), but Yorkshire has the Peak District, Rother Valley and a whole lot of fields. I may sound like such a Yorkshire stereotype, but I actually only have to walk ten minutes from my house and I’m surrounded by fields of horses and cows. Sure, you could watch a tv programme showing you people getting wrecked in their city centre, but in a country where soon the majority will live in a city centre, it may be refreshing to watch someone stomping through cow shit and getting chased by a horse before driving their tractor home.

3) You see ”real” Britain

100% plastic and still the realest thing to appear on TOWIE

100% plastic and still the realest thing to appear on TOWIE

Let’s face it, the realest thing to ever appear on The Only Way is Essex is Amy Childs’ breasts and they have silicone in them. If Geordie Shore is an accurate representation of British people on a night out then I’m going to start petitioning for prohibition. A programme depicting the lives of people from Yorkshire would be just like the people: a little too honest for its own good. There would be no getting wrecked in different countries, or people opening their own boutiques (We can’t afford it, we’re still waiting to receive WIFI and running water). Instead it would be people working on weekdays and then going out and getting drunk on a weekend till they settle down with their two children.

4) You also see “Real” weather.

Normal winy day in Yorkshire.

Normal winy day in Yorkshire.

Having lived in Sheffield full time until two years ago, I can safely say that you haven’t experienced weather until you have experienced Yorkshire weather. I came home at Easter to be greeted by snow, I survived the floods of 2010 (or was it 2009?) where I almost drowned. People always complain that Loughborough is windy, but unless you’ve live at the top of seven hills for eighteen years then you haven’t experienced real weather. Many (southern) people act like Loughborough is the north and think they are experiencing ”northern” weather, but they haven’t even come close.

5) It might make the North some money

What five pound will get you in Yorkshire.

What five pound will get you in Yorkshire.

People always say that the North is a cheap night out, and they are right. My friend is on placement on London and she recently had to pay five pound for a shot in which she told me she’d ”rather drink her own piss” (Yorkshire problems). The reason for this cheapness is because the people of the North can’t afford to pay £5 for a shot (that’s our taxi money), because the Torys came and destroyed all signs of prosperity in the North back in the eighties. Hopefully, if here was a tv programme it would generate some tourism or something, just to give the North a little bit of income an so we can stop bitterly complaining about how everyone in the south uses twenty pound notes as toilet paper.


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