Future careers I’m considering.

So this time next year I’ll officially be a graduate and this means I now have to start thinking of an actual response to the question of “What do you want to do when you graduate?” which is not “I dunno”. All I know at the moment is that I want to move to London as soon as it is humanly possible, because as much as Sheffield is my hometown, I’m done with it. In an ideal world, someone would pay me a lot of money to blog, but that’s very unlikely. However, in the past year various people have suggested career paths for me and here’s the top five:

1) Features Editor for Glamour

What people in Sheffield think you are if you wear heels during the day.

What people in Sheffield think you are if you wear heels during the day.

This is the dream job for me. Originally, I had set my sights upon being the actual editor of Glamour, but I realised that it was highly unlikely so I set myself the more realistic goal of features editor. To spend my days dreaming up of articles that shine a light on interesting and/or pressing issues sounds like bliss to me, and I’d get to live in London and do London things like walk around in high heels in broad daylight which is something you can’t do in Sheffield unless you want people to think you’re a hooker.

2) Counsellor

Me as a counsellor drawing rude things instead of taking notes.

Me as a therapist drawing rude things instead of taking notes.

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I once mentioned to my Mum that I was considering being a Counsellor and she said ''Urgh, really Zoe? Why would you want to spend your day listening to other people's problems?'' which only said to me that My Mum shouldn't be a counsellor and not me.The idea of being a counsellor interests me though, because I'm pretty good at giving people (apart from myself) advice, and I think I'd feel like a good person if I helped someone through a difficult time. Also, there's the added bonus of knowing that even if you're having a bad day that someone else is having one which is even worse.

3) Sex therapist.

Hero.

Hero.


Quite a few of my friends have suggested I have become a sex therapist, and I’m assuming it’s because they find it easy to talk about with me. I’ve tried helping them enhance it which was rudely thrown back in my face when my friend told of the smoking area on a night out that ”it’s not as good as the real thing”. All of this is the consequence of watching Sex and the City repeatedly which has seen me adopt Samantha’s ”let’s talk about sex” approach. I’m saying give graphic details (some things should remain private), but nobody should be embarrassed about asking for advice.

4) Teacher.


What I think of when I think of classrooms.

What I think of when I think of classrooms.

As an English student I have heard the “So you want to be a teacher?” question so many times. I once went to the bank and the personal advisor asked me it right after I told her what I was studying. My response was a simple “No” and in my head I was thinking “Wow, it’s amazing how you can go from having a neutral opinion if someone to disliking them intensely in ten seconds”. I have considered the teacher route, but then I think of spending forty years teaching classes of bored children about Lord of the flies and I realise that I’d be put into an asylum by the end of my first year of teaching. As far as I’m concerned the vocation of teaching deserves its own level in hell.

5) Rihanna look-a-like.

rihanna-stay-branchez-bootleg

Separated at birth.

Separated at birth.

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Now, I don't like to flatter myself but in the past year two people have told me I look like Rihanna. I used to take this as a compliment because we all know that she has made me question my sexuality before, but that was prior to her becoming a wannabe gangster and posting photos on instacrap of her wearing so little clothing we could see what she'd had for breakfast.

The first time I was told this was in the union on a Friday night when I guy came up to me and my friend and said "You’re Beyonce, and you're Rihanna!". The second time was when I was in a gay club and I guy came up to me when I was dancing in the cage (as you do) and said "OMG! You look like Rihanna" (I'm assuming he wasn't being sarcastic).
So with two people telling me this I'm definitely considering a career as a Rihanna look a like. I reckon I'll be very successful so long as my clients are drunk and I'm in a dimly lit room.

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