Signs Summer is Coming.

The most obvious sign that summer is on its way is, of course, the lighter nights. However, there are other ways that, if you are living in Britain, can tell that summer is coming and they involve, alcohol, food and reality tv (naturally).

1) Everyone loses their clothes.

 

What Britain would walk around dressed in all Summer if they could.

What Britain would walk around dressed in all Summer if they could.

You know summer is coming when the population of Britain suddenly starts stripping off like they have an allergy to clothes. I’m slightly more reserve when it comes to this ever since I once went to London one summer’s day in  a skirt and vest top and a monsoon suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It only lasted twenty minutes, but I genuinely thought that it was the second coming of The Great Flood, and I was half expecting to see Noah’s ark II go sailing past. 

The rest of Britain’s population, however, are much less restrained, and as soon as that first chink of sunlight makes its way through the clouds everyone is wearing raybans, shorts and flip flops (although the last two are year round attire for the male population of Loughborough). If Britain could get away with wearing swim wear to work then we would.

2) Pub Days

The end of a pub day.

The end of a pub day.

Britain is a nation of binge drinkers, and you know summer is coming when everybody (including myself) starts clamouring to go to the pub like a lamb looking for its mother’s teat. This is because we are usually restricted to drinking copious amounts of alcohol in a dark club, so it’s refreshing for us to drink copious amounts of alcohol in broad daylight where we can actually see who we are talking to and don’t have to shout a conversation over the sounds of dubstep.

3) BBQS

Tesco Value Meat.

Tesco Value Meat.

Of course, those long pub days will inevitably make us hungry. However, instead of tucking into a greasy kebab (half of which will be left on the kichen counter for breakfast), we can have BBQS! You know summer is coming when you see people hot footing it to Tescos for sausages, burgers and wings (all 100% horse meat) to start frying on a disposable BBQ. As soon as you get the first whiff if a BBQ status on Facecrap (see what I did there!?) you know summer is on the smoke filled horizon.

4)People start complaining it’s too hot

Sat in a bath in an attempt to learn now to bob sleigh = my easter.

Sat in a bath in an attempt to learn now to bob sleigh = my easter.

The People of Britain are funny creatures; when it rains in summer you hear people screaming ”IT’S MEANT TO BE SUMMER!!!!” as they wrestle with their umbrella in gale force winds. Then when we actually get a hot day you here ”IT’S TOO HOT!” as they skulk under the shade of a tree like Gollum. Well let me tell you something people, after the blizzard we had last month where I had to stomp around in wellies, avoid having snowballs thrown at me by the local urchins and considered doing a Cool Runnings by setting up a bob sleigh team, I think we are long overdue an Indian Summer and I don’t want to hear one person complaining.

5) The X Factor Begins.

Simon when he saw Tulisa's sex tape.

Simon when he saw Tulisa’s sex tape.

The X Factor has been going on so long that I know associate it with the beginning of summer. I don’t watch it, but it’s nigh impossible not to be aware of which judge got fired, which judge is demanding a pay rise etc etc. As I’ve said before, The X Factor became irrelevant once Simon left, because we all know that everyone looked forward to his critiques. However, now all people do is talk about how chavvy Tulisa is, which may or not be warranted but if that’s all people are talking about then it’s time to kill the show off (or bring Simon back).

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