Signs you’re no longer a party animal.

Partying, when you hit university as a fresh faced fresher you can’t imagine ever growing sick of it! The rowdy pre drinks, making a new friend in the toilets and the countless pictures you get tagged in that you have no recollection of being taken – what’s not to love!? But there comes a time when attending another predrinks which leads to another night of confusion and music you can’t remember followed by another day spent in bed feeling sorry for yourself is no longer part of the fun, but simply an effort and an irritant the next day when you have things to do and people to see. If you recognise yourself in any of this then your partying days are coming to a close:

p>1) The thought of staying out till four makes you feel ill.

Who needs to go out and pull when you have teddy waiting for you at home?

Who needs to go out and pull when you have teddy waiting for you at home?

Back in the days of being eighteen and new to the partying game, staying out (and alive) for as long as possible was the golden rule. Unless they were planning on taking someone back to share their mattress, anybody who bailed before 2:00am (at least) was a party pooper. However, if you’re checking your phone (not watch, this is digital age, darling) at 1:00am wondering if you can slip away, and are more excited about being tucked up in bed than the next round of shots then it’s a sign that you no longer belong in the zoos that are nightclubs.

2) You’re drinking less, but getting drunker than ever.

The man responsible for the gaping holes in my memory.

The man responsible for the gaping holes in my memory.

This is me; my alcohol consumption (Pre Lent) reduced dramatically this year because I wasn’t going out as much, but unlike my fresher year where I could tell you almost everything that happened on a night out. Now, I’m at the point where I have around three three second clips of entire nights out.

I think my friend summed it up best with this: ”Last year, I remembered the beginning, the middle and the end, and then it got to the point where I remembered the beginning and the middle and I just didn’t remember how I got home. Then I remembered the beginning and it was the middle and the
end which was a mystery. This year, I am struggling to remember pre drinks”, and it’s true, pre Lent it was coming to the point where I was convinced Will Smith jumping me on nights out by getting out his neuralyzer from Men in Black and wiping my mind. However, I have been told that I always seem to ”hold it together” on nights out i.e I’m not obviously drunk, which offers me some comfort because at least I (apparently) have some control.

3) Having to celebrate lots of birthdays makes you want to cry.

Me at all the upcoming birthday pre drinks.

Me at all the upcoming birthday pre drinks.

For a party animal, someone having a birthday is great because then you can excuse the fact that you are out yet again, because you need to ensure that the birthday boy/girl drinks a shot for each year of their age and is just a general mess. A whole bunch of birthdays occuring on consecutive weeks/days is enough to make a party animal bring out the champagne.

I know my partying streak is in disrepute because I have around five or six birthdays happening when I get back to university, and I am partly dreading it because some are occuring not only in consecutive weeks, but consecutive NIGHTs, but also terrified because my tolerance for alcohol is at rock bottom thanks to Lent and there looks to be some drinking challenges occurring that are not for the faint hearted (or those who decided to give up alcohol for Lent). This time last year I would have been in my element, this year I’m wondering how on earth I’m going to get any work done with so much tomfoolery on the horizon and whether I should start necking a bottle of wine a day to get my tolerance back up.

4) You have realised you’re no longer missing out.


Your friend pulling (or twerking) is the only thing that livens up a night out.

Your friend pulling (or twerking) is the only thing that livens up a night out.


There comes a point when nights out start blurring into one, and it’s not just down to drinking too much, but the realization that, for the most part, the same things happen on every night out; people get ridiculously drunk on pres, you go out and dance and then the next morning you wake up feeling like Will Smith and his neuralyzer have got you again, and also like you have taken a couple of bullets. Nights are only livened up if your friend gets lucky and peaces out early with some prey, someone cries or someone has an argument, and that’s it.

5) You have to factor in the day long hangover.

Me all day after a night out (minus someone being kind enough to bring me coffee)

Me all day after a night out (minus someone being kind enough to bring me coffee)

A sure sign you are no longer a party animal is if you have to write off the entire of the next day because you’re hungover and the only productive thing you will do all day is craw to the shower on all fours and proceed to sit in the shower crying as you try and wash your hair whilst every drop of water from the shower feels like you are taking a bullet. If you used to attend lectures still steaming, but now have to forgo the midweek nights out because your hangovers are so bad you start wondering if people (or Will
Smith) are spiking your drinks, then you my friend are no longer a party animal, but don’t worry; most party animals retire at the age of twenty one: it’s a short lived career.

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