My friend is going on her university’s version of “Take Me Out”, Y’know that programme where twenty women wearing too much make up fight over one man? I was quite intrigued by this until she told me that she plans on making sure she turns her light off in every single round “So he doesn’t turn mine off” which kind of defeats the whole purpose of the game, but oh well.
I don’t like “Take Me Out” because there’s something a bit sad about women wrestling over a man they don’t even know, but I decided to help my friend and write her some tips to help her win if she decides she won’t cheat.
1) Don’t wear too much make-up
I fully understand that it’s a tv show and that with the bright lights you need to apply make-up a little thicker than usual, but at the same time, if you look like you’ve just escape from Willy Wonka’s factory then you may need to tone it down a little bit. Also, if the dreamboat who comes down in the love lift does decide to take you to Fernandos then when he may not actually recognise you when you don’t look like you’ve dipped your face into a pot of Satsuma coloured paint. There’s also the fact that you’re more likely to catch his eye against the other tangerines stood on the stage with you, and thus (hopefully) increases your chances if being taken out.
2) Don’t be fussy
Let’s be honest, you’re on a tv programme fighting with twenty women over a man who comes down in a whilst ”Sexyback” plays and then struts around for thirty seconds acting like he is bringing it back when he’s really not, you’re not in a position to be picky. Going on ”Take Me Out” is you telling the nation that you are willing to date a stranger who you first set eyes on as he came down in something callled a love lift; if that’s not a tad desperate then I don’t know what is, so shelve all your requirements of what your dream man should have and genuinely consider the dude who is thirty, unemployed and still lives with his parents.
3) Don’t be desperate
I may sound like I’m contradicting myself, but there’s a difference between not being fussy and not being desperate. For example, clapping as Prince (no so0 Charming) struts around the stage is perfectly acceptable, but fist pumping like he’s Will Smith doing a lap dance is unacceptable. Also, if he decides to turn your light off, don’t be the desperate bitch who flings herself over her light begging him not to, have some self -respect, let him turn your light off and wait for the next contender to come down the love lift.
4)Don’t go on it
Seriously, why the hell would you want to go on a tv show where you have to compete for a man? It just makes no sense to me. There are a number of online dating sites where you can sit at home in your pajamas, surfing the web for your true love, and it doesn’t involve you saying ”Well, he came down a love lift as Bump and Grind played in the background” when people ask you how you met.