How to get a boyfriend/girlfriend for Valentine’s day.

Valentine’s day is rapidly approaching and this means avoiding social networking sites so you don’t have to endure the couples leaving each other sickening messages, or the singles making ”Forever Alone” statuses (Grow up). If you are single and want to be in a relationship so you can receive an overpriced card from Clintons then here is how to go about it:

1) Lower your expectations

Forget this if you want roses on Valentine's day.

Forget this if you want roses on Valentine’s day.

If don’t want to be spending Valentine’s day at home clutching a Marks and Spencer’s meal for one then you need to start reconsidering what you want in an other half. In an ideal world we’d have someone who look like they’ve come straight off the runway, is intelligent, witty and is a die hard romantic, but when you’ve got less then a month to get someone to put a ring in it then you need to start being a bit more realistic. That guy who smells like urine? He may not smell like roses, but he could be the one who ensures you get one on Valentine’s day. That girl who picks her nose in public? She could be picking you out the overpriced card you’ve been craving for.

2) Look beyond a club.

Nightclubs: Where one night stands, but not love begins.

Nightclubs: Where one night stands, but not love begins.

Let’s be honest, clubs are essentially a meat market enabling people to go out and bring home so sausage for the next morning; if you’re looking for a relationship then it may be wiser to prowl things such as the library or a coffee shop, places where people aren’t dancing badly to the UK’s top 40. If you’re looking for a relationship for Valentine’s day then you are clearly a fan of love, and I don’t think you want to be telling everyone that how you and your other half met was when you were bumping and grinding to Lil Jon. A story where you bonded over your mutual hatred of how you can no longer buy regular coffees but only beverages called grande iced mochas in coffee shops is much better.

3) Go for someone who has had a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends.


If someone has had only a few boyfriends and girlfriends then it’s very likely that they will be difficult to ensnare as they are probably picky. However, if someone has had a lot, say over fifteen other halves by the age of twenty then it’s likely they are someone who falls in love very quickly and will be an easy target. Yes, you may be dumped within a couple of months, but not before the day of love has been and gone, and you have your overpriced card.

4) Be sickening.

Royalty: What you need to make them feel like.

Royalty: What you need to make them feel like.

Not literally, but you need to make them feel like they are THE ONE. So make sure they know it. Send them good morning texts, buy them little presents and spend your days complementing them and just generally making them feel like royalty. You need to do this because that even if they don’t like you that much, they’ll love the ego boost you give them so they’ll stick around for a little while whilst you deep massage their ego. Desperation isn’t attractive but when you only have a few weeks then you need to go all out.

5) Make it Facebook official

What you are if it's not Facebook offical.

What you are if it’s not Facebook offical.

You need to make sure you’ve got this in the bag, and the only way you’ll ensure this if you are Facebook official, because we all know it means nothing unless they’ve virtually put a ring on it. Until you’re Facebook official your relationship is unofficial and for all you know you could be one in a long line of girls/guys so get this shit locked down!


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