Why I’m not sure whether I have a boyfriend or a cat.

One of the best things about coming home (apart from seeing family, friends and being reunited lots of hills and countryside) is seeing my cats again. I’m aware I’m in danger of coming across like a cat lady, but I’ve always possessed a huge love for any animal I’ve owned, but since the death of my horse a couple of years back I’ve bestowed a lot of affection on my feline friends. However, after being home less than a week, I’m very confused because even though my two boys are feline and do not speak, I feel like I have two boyfriends; here’s why:

1) They are overly affectionate.

Not sure how affectionate he was after being dressed up like this....

Not sure how affectionate he was after being dressed up like this….

Usually, when I’ve been absent from home due to me being at uni, my cats give me the silent treatment for a couple of weeks until it’s almost time for me to go back. However, this time around they have been far too eager to overload me with their tuna scented affection. From sleeping next to me all night to throwing themselves on their back so I’ll tickle their tummy, I have never felt so loved. It’s like we’re going through the honeymoon phase in our relationship again.

2) They sleep with me.

How I sleep when sharing my bed with my cats.

How I sleep when sharing my bed with my cats.

I know I’ve mentioned that they like to frequent my bed, but I don’t think you understand just how much they love it. As soon as I head upstairs to prepare to go to bed, I hear a thunder of feet up the stairs and before I know it my bed has been blessed with the presence of at least one male; once we’re in bed they proceed to snuggle right up to me, so much that I end up clinging onto the edge of my bed reluctant to move in case I disturb THEIR sleep. Not only that, I’m often awoken in the morning with lots of kisses, which is appreciated, except sometimes one of them does this whilst sat on my chest so in whatever dream I’m having I begin to start randomly suffocating before awakening to find that I’m not in fact dying: it’s just my cat telling me that they love me (and alerting me to the fact it’s breakfast time).

3) I’m bought gifts.

My face when I see my cat is bringing me a dead animal.

My face when I see my cat is bringing me a dead animal.

In any happy relationship gifts are quite a common side effect, and the relationship I have with my cats is no different, and we give each other food. I treat my cats to nice brands of cat food or any bits of turkey that are left over from Christmas, and they treat me to a variety of dead animals, from birds to baby rabbits. I do appreciate the gesture from my cats, but at the same time, whenever I see one running towards the patio doors with some corpse hanging out of their mouth I dash over to slam them shut, because as much as I love them I do not love receiving corpses as gifts.

4) We have disagreements.

What my cat does to some other human when he goes AWOL.

What my cat does to some other human when he goes AWOL.

However, our disagreements aren’t of the verbal kind. My cats have been known to give me the cold shoulder when I call over to them in this high pitched cringey voice, and I’ve been known to tell them off when they are a bit too rough in the game ”Can you catch that thing (my finger) which is moving about under the rug?”. However, the biggest issue in our relationship is my frequent absence due to being at university, and the fact one of them has his occasional three day benders; at least once a year one of my cats will go AWOL for a day or two and then return like he’s never been away. When he did his first disappearance act which lasted three days, I was in tears and convinced I’d never see him again when I looked out of the patio doors and saw him running down the garden. Since then, his occasional disappearing acts are met with disapproval as the door is opened to his philandering self, but whether he’s been off exploring or getting a slice of tuna from someone else, he’s always forgiven.

5) We have compromises.

My face when I empty the litter tray.

My face when I empty the litter tray.

In any good relationship there has to be a couple of compromises, and me and my cats even have a few. They accept they occasionally I will pick them up and bestow them with kisses whilst talking in a baby voice to them, and I’ve accepted that I have to not only share my bed with them but empty their litter tray (someone has clearly got a better deal than the other here). Our relationship may have its ups and downs, but it’s compromises like these which are the key to a happy relationship…..with cats at least.


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