A guide to Fraping.

If you’re on Facebook then it’s nigh impossible that you haven’t been fraped or seen a frape (and if you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll have seen me getting fraped every other day), and just to clarify a frape is a ”facebook rape” which is when someone manages to get your account in their grubby little paws and just go to town on it by updating your statuses to embarrassing things/ changing your profile picture/birthday etc etc.
I enjoy fraping people, and I even enjoy being fraped providing that the frape is of a high standard, but there are times on facebook when I see a frape and I think ”c’mon, you can do better than that!” so here is my guide to fraping:

1) Be creative

The face your friend will pull when they see you've changed their birthday.

The face your friend will pull when they see you’ve changed their birthday.

Creativity is an absolute must when you are about to frape someone! Changing someone’s birthday always generates a giggle but when you have someone’s status in your clutch then you need to be the J K Rowling of frapes! I don’t just mean creating magic by hopefully making people laugh but you need to let your imagination run wild and make it the status equivalent of Harry Potter. Some Harry Potter standard statuses I’ve been subjected to are:

”Has again misplaced my vibrator, if anyone has seen it would you let me know asap? I wish I wasn’t so careless!”

WANTED: a male who will satisfy my needs, my vibrator is no longer sufficient so if anyone fancies their chances meet me in Bill Mo corner at FND tomorrow.

And one I have delivered:

“Got a hot guy in the shower whilst I peel my clothes off – best FND ever!”

Yes, they are quite clearly frapes but they are creative! Frapes such as ”I like anal” and ”Anyone fancy a bum?” are not creative: they are the status equivalent of fifty shades of grey i.e they aren’t very good but for some reason they still continue to exist.

2) Do it at the right time

How fast you type when fraping your friend who is banging on the door.

How fast you type when fraping your friend who is banging on the door.

Bad frapes happen when you’ve locked your friend out of their room whilst you hijack their laptop and thus their frantic banging on the door and your awareness you only have a limited time to think of one means the frape is generally of a poor standard. One of the best frapes I delivered was when I crept into my friend’s room during pre drinks and had my wicked way with her status. As long as you are discreet you have a good chance of coming up with a beauty.

3) Make sure you use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar etc

Me when I see a badly spelled frape.

Me when I see a badly spelled frape.

This may be due to the fact that I’m an English student, but correct spelling and grammar are very important when fraping. Nothing is more tragic than when apostrophes and capital letters are omitted – it looks so amateur. Your aim when fraping is to make it appear like a genuine status, so if you are fraping someone who uses colons etc, then “ive just done a poo lol” is a completely unacceptable frape.

4) Frape them just once

People's faces when their newsfeed is clogged up with multiple bad frapes.

People’s faces when their newsfeed is clogged up with multiple bad frapes.

If you have delivered a brutal Frape then you don’t need to do another; your job is done, sit back and relax. Also, if you have delivered a beautiful Frape that could pass as being something the frapee actually wrote then fraping them again will ruin the effect. Resist the urge to let your fingers go to town and quickly log out and sit chuckling to yourself whilst they sit in blissful ignorance until they get a phone call of their Mum asking what “scat” is and why they’re thinking of starring in a couple of films relating to it.

5) Realise it is war

Frape wars: not quite the battle for middle earth, but almost.

Frape wars: not quite the battle for middle earth, but almost.

Once you have fraped someone to a high standard then war ensues and you have to be on your guard at all times. I’ve fallen asleep at my friend’s to wake up to multiple notifications on my phone responding to statuses about me confessing I have chlamydia and that I want it up the bum, which my Mum was thrilled to read about. I’ve also found I’ve sent private messages asking people for sex which have had frantic explanations sent after them. So bear in mind, if you start a Frape war, take the consequences!


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