How to become a pole dancer.

The general tone of my blog has been going down recently, and I was going to drag it back up with a serious post about cheating, but I’m not in the mood for serious topics at the moment so….deal with it. Basically, I joined the pole dancing society at university in a bid to do something more productive with my time, and see if it was a potential career path for me if becoming a writer for Glamour or the Amnesty International did not work out. This is something I’ve kept pretty quiet (until I decided to broadcast it on my blog) due to the fact no matter WHAT you say, pole dance will always have certain connotations i.e nine inch heels and men throwing money at women. However, I have found pole fascinating and it’s definitely a good work out and it has aided me in becoming more flexible,(My new chat up line right there) but I’m still kind of hoping the becoming a writer at Glamour dream works out, but if you are contemplating spinning round a pole for a living (and in this economic climate I would not blame you) read this:

1) Realise it’s not that erotic.

What you imagine pole will be like before your first class gives you a dose of reality.

Whenever I have mentioned I joined pole (and believe it or not, I don’t shout it from the rooftops), it always elicits a certain smile from people (or a silence on the end of the phone when mentioning it to my parents). I have had one person do this choked laugh, like they were coughing up a hair ball when I told them about my new hobby. Well let me tell you something, pole dancing looks pretty erotic when you see the professionals doing it, but if you enter a room full of beginners then you will just see a lot of girls crashing to the floor or grimacing from pain due to gripping the pole with their thighs. After you have had your first lesson, all the images you initially had in your head are replaced by bruises, sore muscles and a loss of dignity.

2) Accept you will look like you have done a few rounds with Mike Tyson.

This is how badly pole beats you up.

When I first joined pole dance I was aware that you knock your body about a bit, but I was not prepared for the bruises. Luckily, I don’t bruise that easily, but I’ve seen a girl with a bruise on her leg that looked like a vampire bite, it honestly looked like Edward Cullen had tried to take a chunk out of her. It’s not just the bruises either, your thighs will resemble old leather after a few weeks of doing climbs and gripping the pole with them. Basically, not only do you feel as erotic as a wet blanket when learning but you also look as attractive as a washed up old porn star.

3) Understand the weak areas in your body.

How flexible my legs are.

Flexibility is key in pole dance, and I discovered my legs are very flexible when in a flex class my friend pulled my legs apart for an exercise and said “GOD, your legs go really far apart”, which is fantastic but not something I’ll be bringing up in conversations that often. However, whilst my legs are seemingly elastic, my back is in severe need of regular stretching, and my arms need much more work which I discovered when trying to bridge and almost knocking myself out when my head hit the floor.

4) Practice makes perfect (kind of).

Not something I felt particularly comfortable doing next to my lecturer.

I didn’t go to pole for a week due to being put in witness protection (i.e in the library working on my essays), and boy did I regret it when I returned. I couldn’t remember half the things I’d been taught and my thighs had started to go all tender again. If you want to be good at pole then you need to do it regularly on top of making yourself more flexible, which I DID do by going to some yoga classes, but then I stopped because one of my tutors started coming and I don’t know about you, but doing the downward facing dog one mat away from my lecturer is not my idea of a good time. Yoga is meant to be relaxing and I felt my stress levels rising throughout it. Basically, dedicate a few hours a week to pole alone, and spend time working on your flexibility otherwise there is just no point.

5) Consider a different career.

If you can do that to a pole, you deserve to have money thrown at you.

I’m not saying quit, but pole isn’t exactly an easy career path due to the sheer dedication it takes to get up to a competent level i.e doing the splits upside down. Pole is fun, and it is a good work out but if you’re thinking it will help you make cheap easy money then think again! All I’m going to say is that pole dancers deserve every penny they earn due to the dedication they’ve put into becoming good at pole. Don’t hate, appreciate.


4 thoughts on “How to become a pole dancer.

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