Things Popular Culture has taught us about love.

Popular culture influences us because it’s well….popular. I was originally going to do a post about how Hollywood films influence our views on love, but I realised that everything from music to literature has influenced us. Whether it’s Adele releasing another depressing album (although she’s loved up now, so we may never get her releasing another song) to the new reality tv couple giving their upteenth interview about their relationship, our views on love have changed dramatically from Shakespeare’s day when it was simply thirteen year olds killing themselves because they couldn’t be with their true love of five days. I mean look:

1) No matter how badly a guy treats you, he will eventually come through.

Carrie was furious Big had jilted her; the dress was not returnable.

Remember in ”Sex and the city” when Big ditched Carrie at the alter? Well that’s heartbreaking enough for anyone, but even more so for Carrie since she’d had ten years of Big being a douche to her from dating other women to going off and marrying a twenty odd year old mere months after they’d broke up. However, Sex and the city has taught women everywhere that you should STICK WITH HIM, because eventually (ten years later), after all the heartbreak and days you spent in bed crying over him, he’ll eventually come through and make an honest woman of you (well the second time around, after he ditched you at the alter the first time). Forget about the nice available guys and sick with your douchebag ladies!

2) Friends with benefits can morph into something more

What girls are like for a month after their friends with benefits moves on.

Admittedly, ”No Strings Attached” did stick to reality a little bit by showing how people can become irrational and jealous when sleeping with someone casually. HOWEVER, it then gave us a typical Hollywood ending where the two participants of the arrangement ended up falling in love and being together. In reality, most friends with benefits situation ends when one participant gets serious with someone else and the other is left broken hearted and end up trying to find their self esteem at the bottom of an ice cream tub or bottle of vodka, or sending a mixture of heartbroken and abusive texts, depending on just how crazy they are.

3) If a guy stalks you, and then abuses you then it’s love.

Spanking Paddles: The new rose.

I’m talking about ”Fifty Shades of Grey”, of course. This book was doomed as soon as the author decided to do a Twilight fan fiction, but her inclusion of s&m which she’d clearly done no research on, made it a book that was full of agonizingly embarrassing cliches, the most unerotic sounding sex known to mankind and a creepy guy preying on a young girl so he could beat her with a spanking paddle. However, this book has been a bestseller and apparently my ideas about love were all wrong: I’m now looking for a rich (That’s right Kanye, I’m a Goldigger!) older man who wants to hit me with a spanking paddle, and even when I refuse his suggestions will continue to harass me. You know, a nice healthy relationship with the type of male that my Mum would just LOVE to meet. Oh, and on the subject of Mothers, my Mum borrowed my copy of ”Fifty Shades of Grey” and it may be classed as ”Mummy Porn” but my Mummy was not impressed with that book at all.

He doesn’t love you until he calls you ”The Perfect Bitch”

Kanye just called Kim a bitch.

Kanye West said the inspiration behind his song ”The Perfect Bitch” was Kim Kardashian: his girlfriend. Now, I’m not a huge fan of those lovey dovey names such as ”angel” or ”my ickle fluffy bunny rabbit”, but at the same time I wouldn’t be thrilled about being called ”The Perfect Bitch”. However, I read the lyrics to the song thinking that maybe there’s some depth to the song and the title of it is misleading, and this is what I got:

”You shiny nigga will rick curbings
F*ck swag it’s my virgin,
This tight shit, no virgin
Miss Marlene, no margin
We the way you niggas know surfin’
Uh, is it something I said?
You’re upset, nigga get some head”

Now, the rest of the song is similar to this and I’ve been waiting for that illuminating moment when I’ll go ”Ohhhh! that’s actually quite sweet”……I’m still waiting. However, by the looks of things, ”bitch” is the new ”love” and Kim Kardashian clarified this for the world when she said ”I’m honoured to be the perfect bitch”, and somewhere the militant feminist Germain Greer died, just so she could turn in her grave.

5)It’s not love if you’re not on a magazine cover

Beyonce said ”Put a ring on it”, but I don’t think she meant within a month.

I see so many magazine dedicated to giving Z list couples interviews about how in love they are a mere six weeks after meeting, and all I think is ”Six weeks? You can’t even grow a plant in that time”. However, I’m obviously wrong, and love should not only be head over heels within two months, but on a magazine cover telling everyone. Of course, I’m not famous so I won’t be getting any magazine deals unless I get onto a show like ”The Only Way is Yorkshire” which will never be commissioned in a million years. I do have this blog though, so I’ll write a long post confessing my undying love two weeks in (and write my ”just been dumped one” the very next day).


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