Halloween Special: How to survive Zombies.

One thing I’m terrified about is the potential apocalypse scheduled later for this year because if it’s Zombies then to say I’ll be having a melt down will be a drastic understatement, so if fate decides to give us a test run and delivers us a few zombies this Halloween then I will be in hell. However, I have prepared for this and made a zombie survival guide.

1) If you’re not in good condition, accept you’re going to die.

Guaranteed to survive a Zombie invasion.

People don’t often think of zombies as fast but in Sean of the dead I’m pretty sure I recall seeing Zombies running which made them ten times more terrifying to me. Also, I’ve played enough games of COD (two to be precise) to know that they do have some level of speed, so you need to be able to run a considerable distance because zombies like to come after you in a huge group, like a lynch mob before fighting over your juicy brain. Basically, for the next week or so tie yourself to a treadmill and put the speed on high and get some intensive training in, because you’ll regret it when you’re out a puff after running down one street.

2) Play Resident Evil

How I play COD.

or COD or basically any video game which has zombies in. Why? because this will prepare you for the horror of zombies. Playing such games saw me progress from losing games because I was too busy hiding fearfully behind a pillow to losing games because I was just terrible. You need to educate yourself in everyway possible and the added advantage of playing video games is that when the undead descend you can just pretend you’re in a video game.

3) Know your way around a weapon

How fierce I felt when paintballing.

It’s of vital importance that you know your way around a weapon, preferably a gun; a baseball bat is no use because that means you have to be near the zombie to cause it any damage and I don’t know about you, but I don’y want to be within a mile radius of one, nevermind in brain eating distance. The best training you can get is to go paintballing, because not only do you have to shoot people but you have to do it whilst running around in woods.

4) Make friends with the scientists

He’s finally made the ”Kill all zombies” bomb.

If you’re at university, I sincerely recommend that you befriend some chemistry students because they’ll be the ones who can come up with the bomb to destroy zombies. Admittedly, I only know a handful of chemistry students because they don’t go out as much as me, as they have 9:00 am lectures and my earliest start is 11:00 but they’ll have the advantage over me when they’re constructing the ”kill all zombies but no humans” bomb and I’m trying to fend of zombies by quoting Shakespeare at them.

5) Don’t make the mistake of locking yourself away in a room.

How I intend to try and survive a Zombie invasion.

I say that you should get in shape and go paintballing in a bid to try and survive an invasion of Zombies, but I know if they do turn up that I’ll shut my curtains, lock my door and hide under my bed. If you’re not a huge coward like me then get out there and fight for your life


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