How to survive being single:

I had originally scheduled a post (Yeah, I schedule them, I’m that lame.) about Lana Del Rey explaining why I didn’t agree with her stripping off for GQ, but I changed my mind and decided to post this which I wrote a few weeks ago and left to fester in my drafts because I could only think of six points:

Once upon a time (February 2011), I wrote a blog post about the joys of being single  and rereading that post I got a severe case of deja vu: I’m single, I have a girl crush on Rihanna (Although her trashiness is testing the bounds of my love), I read Glamour in the bath and I’m pretty happy with life. However, whilst that post focused on the positives of singledom, it would be incorrect to say that life as a single is always a long, joyous experience, and with long winter nights where some of us will only have our hot water bottle for comfort, I wrote this survival guide:

1) Direct all your built up affection towards your pets

Mr Tinkles: the reason why you never need another relationship again.

Yes, we have family and friends, but they don’t always appreciate you randomly kissing them and proceeding to talk to them as if they were a baby: pets do though, and even if they don’t, it’s not like they can answer back or anything, is it? When you’re in a relationship, there’s always a risk they will fall out of love with you and into it with someone else. In contrast, your cat or dog will always love you as long as you give them food, water and let them leave the house occasionally (the last one may be problematic for the more possessive ones among us) . It’s the perfect relationship minus the sexual element, which is illegal just so you know.

2) Spoon your friends

How I try and spoon my friends.

Sleeping on your own is great, but occasionally you just want to sleep next to someone else. If you don’t fancy having a one night stand in order to ensure you have someone to sleep next to (and they may just leave straight after the deed), remember: you have friends! I’ve been told by most of the friends I’ve shared a bed with that I’m an aggressive spooner, and they have awoken to me trying to wrap myself around them. Unfortunately, they’ve all been straight females and proceed to push me away but it’s still nice to feel someone sleeping next to you.

3) Watch ”Teen Mom”

What you do for the people you see on Teen Mom.

Teen Mom is one of those programmes that makes you want to be celibate, nevermind single. I don’t watch this ”programme” a lot but the last episode I watched, this girl’s boyfriend wanted to quit his job in a shop and go live on a boat fishing shrimp – I kid you not. This is a couple who a CHILD, if this stupidity is occurring when they have an infant relying on them, then the mind boggles at what idiocy occurs when the relationship is child free.

4) Do something physical

If you put a brick through someone’s window, then you’re the equivalent of this.

I recently read a post on tumblr that said ”And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky one. Because most of us are bitter over someone”. I don’t think think this applicable to EVERYBODY, but I do not doubt we all have one person who manages to get under our skin. Fortunately, instead of throwing a brick through their window we can do more constructive things like kick boxing or going for a really aggressive run which will in turn make you look great naked.

5) Create an empowering playlist.

This is how I sing-a-long to my empowering playlist.

Remember that scene in Bridget Jones where Renee Zellweger is sprawled on the sofa singing ”All by myself”? or the bit in 500 days of summer where Joseph Gordon levitt goes nuts when that Smiths song comes on, because it reminds him of Summer? Well, this happened because they don’t have an amazingly cheesey playlist to cheer them up. I’m not going to lie, I have a playlist that both Cher and Gloria Gaynor feature on, am I ashamed? I should be, but the joy I get from singing along to them when writing posts like these is unrivalled. Your playlist doesn’t have to be cheesy though, I also have songs on it such as Inner Circle’s ”Sweat” and Ginuwine’s ”Pony” that are disgustingly chauvinistic but sometimes you just need to ditch the ”I don’t need no man” songs and enjoy a male talking about making you cry.

6) Remember: you’re in a relationship with yourself

What happens when you realise you’re already in a relationship with someone pretty fantastic.

Admittedly, this sounds like something an American motivational speaker would say but it’s true! The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have: it’s a lifelong after all. So go forth and educate yourself, travel, and experience everything life has to offer; you should be able to spend time with yourself and enjoy it, whether it’s reading a book, shopping or taking yourself to the cinema (not as tragic as it sounds). Basically, if you don’t love yourself, nobody will and even if you don’t find the fairytale ending, surely being at peace with yourself eclipses that?

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11 thoughts on “How to survive being single:

  1. Plan for tomorrow: Make empowering playlist. haha I dwell on old relationship songs far too much when I’m feeling rubbish about being single so I think I need a playlist like yours!! Ok, maybe not as cheesy, don’t think I could bring myself to listen to Cher 😉

    • Exactly! So many people rely on a boyfriend/girlfriend to ”complete” them, but a relationship isn’t about completing each other, it’s about complementing each other! 🙂

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