How to pull on a night out.

A lot of people go on a night out to blow off steam by drinking too much alcohol and throwing some shapes on the dancefloor. However, some people go out with the primary motive of getting laid, some people do this on every night out, and others do this to try and break a dry spell. If you are one of these people I’ve created a guide for you that will hopefully aid you in accomplishing your goal, in whichever hole you wish:

1) Dress Appropriately. 

Standard attire for a night out.

If you’re on the pull you need to maximise your chances by making sure you look the best you possibly can; there is a certain attire you should be wearing. If you’re a female then you must wear something tight and short with a deep v neck, and when I mean short I mean so short that if you bend over people will be able to see what you have for breakfast, and make sure you have a push up bra underneath your dress/top to maximise the chances of your boobs falling out and you flashing a nipple.

If you’re a male then I simply suggest wearing baggyish trousers/jeans/chinos etc, because when you’re snared your prey and they’re copping a feel or grinding you, then your boner won’t be obvious for all the world to see.

2) Get horrendously drunk

You need to be this drunk….and MORE.

The purpose of this is so you have some form of Dutch courage, so you can approach a person you like the look of, but there are other benefits to being smashed. It’s likely being drunk will increase the chances of a wardrobe malfunction; this is if you took my previous advice and wore something tight, short and low cut because when you bend over and grind he’ll be able to see EVERYTHING and what guy’s going to resist that!? Also if you’re wearing a push up bra underneath your low cut top/dress and you’re hammered then it’s possible you’ll flash a bit of nipple and all those eligible males will be flocking towards you.

Guys, you need to be drunk so you become as loud and obnoxious as possible. girls love that. If you’re drunk then you lose all manners and remember girls HATE guys that treat them like a person, we want you to size us up like a piece of meat and act like we have no right to turn you down, and remember if we do, it’s perfectly logical to call us a ”slut” because that’s EXACTLY  what we are.

3)Grind

This is how you need to be dancing.

When you eventually stumble onto the dancefloor, remember that you do not dance, you grind. Now I’m not talking about the jokey grind with your mates way, I mean the serious grind, the type of grind that is pretty much sex with clothes on. Girls, make sure your bum is right up in the guys crotch, feel free to bend over as well, in fact make sure you do; this will show a guy not only freaky you are but how flexible as well. Remember, all guys want some girl that can dance like a stripper, well all the good guys anyway, the ones that will treat you with respect.

Guys, make sure to approach the girl from behind so you can take her by surprise, she’ll love  it. Also, if she tries to move away then continue to pursue her because she’s just playing hard to get; this is particularly true girls who are dancing with a group of friends or tell you they have a boyfriend, take it as a sign to carry on grinding behind them and attempting to get with them.

4) Be confident

Fellas, this is how should observe any female who crosses your path.

If you’re wearing the attire I suggested and are disgustingly drunk then you should be feeling pretty damn confident. Don’t wait for a guy to approach you ladies, if you see a piece of meat you like the look of, then go ahead and stroll across that motherfucking dancefloor like you own it with your foof and nipple hanging out and go get it. You are the hottest thing in the club and you should demonstrate it by grinding up to guys and starting a fight with any unsuspecting girl who walks past, it wont make you look desperate and insecure but confident and you’ll look like a woman who knows what she wants.

The same applies to guys, as I mentioned above, it’s fine to call a girl a slut if she refuses to go home with you, and the more she tells you she doesn’t want you the more she actually does. Go ahead and be disrespectful to girls, it’s a sure way to end the night successfully!

Don’t be picky

Your face the next morning when you see who you’ve brought back.

Remember, it’s just sex; so you don’t have to be picky and anyway, you’re only getting naked with them. Ladies, take what you can get, it doesn’t matter if he’s rude and a bit pervy, it’s more important to get laid, as long as he’s hot then it’s fine, right? You’ve made all that effort getting ready and throwing your best dance moves, if you don’t take someone home you’ve wasted your night.

Guys, it’s acceptable to be picky at the beginning, but at the end just start getting with any girl who crosses your path. If she says no then just go onto the next one, even if it’s her best friend who’s stood right next to her, have no shame whatsoever.

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