People you’ll encounter on facebook.

Facebook is undeniably useful, and I’ll never say otherwise, but it IS the cause of so many problems and this is proven by how many people on Jeremy Kyle use facebook as a source of evidence. You also discover the odd irritating person that without facebook you’d be completely oblivious to:

 The depressive

Remember, it’s a status not a therapist.

We all have one, the one person who is the little dark cloud of misery on the white newsfeed page. I understand that you may have had a bad day and want to vent, but if you’re constantly letting the world know how miserable you are, then you need to see a counsellor or repost macabre pictures on tumblr like I do. Frequent status updates about how sad you are and how your life is crap does nothing but bring other people down, and what exactly will whinging about what you hate do, if you don’t like something, CHANGE IT.

Facebook is a social networking site, and people need to stop making it their unpaid, non responsive therapist. In all seriousness though, it’s not healthy to be constantly moaning about life because, and forgive me for using the cliche: LIFE IS TOO SHORT. One day you’ll look back at how negative you were and realise how much time you wasted complaining about life when you should have been out LIVING life.

The attention seeker

Yeaah, because YOU have self esteem issues.

This is kind of similar to the depressive person, but the difference is that they’re usually female and are the  type to go ”I’m so ugly :(” before uploading about thirty pictures of self taken photos with them getting their duck lips on (you know the pose). THEN if someone comments saying they look pretty they’ll go ”Awhh, I’m not, I’m ugly!”.

This is annoying for various reasons, if you think you’re that ugly you won’t be plastering your profile with pictures of yourself. If I think you’re good looking then I’ll happily tell you, whether you’re male or female, but if I can see you DELIBERATELY looking for compliments then I’m not going say anything; I refuse to appease your ego. ALSO, if someone gives you a compliment: A simple thanks and then the world can move on.

The not very discreet stalker

Facebook stalkers: we all have one.

If you’re on facebook, it’s highly likely you’ll have at least a couple of stalkers (Hi, Mum!), but you generally don’t know how many and how much they stalk you. However, there’s some stalkers which just need to learn to be discreet when getting their creep on. If I make a status and you like it after it’s been left untouched for days, and do this quite a lot then I know you’ve been snooping. I generally don’t mind, but when I see these people out and about then it’s easier to get blood out of a stone than a decent conversation out them, but then they’re all over your profile like a rash -wtf!?

The PDA couple

I don’t want/need to see this.

Before anybody calls me bitter, I’m not. I’m happy for couples and their love, but I don’t need it rammed down my throat every day. Real life PDAS make me feel awkward, I’m fine with hand holding and the odd kiss etc, but if you start groping and eating each other’s faces in the company of others, then I’m not impressed. Actually, it’s incredibly rude and it just makes people avoid hanging out with you, because there’s only so many times I can look at my phone whilst you and your other half are getting frisky. We get it, you’re together, but don’t keep ramming it down our throats by ramming your tongue down THEIR throat.

Anyway, if I see couples sending each other hearts over facebook then I’ll think ”awhhhh” but if you’re always tagging each other in statuses and uploading pictures of yourselves together all the time, and professing love constantly then I’ll just think ”gtfo”. It’s funny because it’s more often than not, it’s the couples who have been together for like two months, and that’s not even a huge amount of time,  The X factor lasts longer than that. Also, in my experience, those couples who pda all over the place generally are the ones who are trying to mask more problems; these are usually the couples that end up having a nasty break up and then we have to tolerate the sad song lyrics as statuses for a good few weeks. Overall, if you’re in a happy relationship then great, but some things are a little more sacred if you try and keep them private.

The hashtag user

I’m not going to say very much about this because I’ll just go off on one, but the hashtag on twitter is used to link people to trending topics, on facebook it does not serve this purpose, in fact, it doesn’t serve ANY purpose, so….just stop it.

The constant status updater

Admittedly, a sandwich like this deserves a status.

We all know someone who updates their status at least ten times a day with the most irrelevant crap. I’m happy if you’ve got a lot of good news or something, but if you’re just saying ”Gonna go make a sandwich” or ”bored :/” then not only do you need to reassess your life but you’ll also be removed from my newsfeed quicker than an ”The only was is Essex” cast member goes through a bottle of fake tan.

If you want to constantly update people on your life then you need to get on Twitter, I swear half of Facebook users ended up on facebook by accident on their way to signing onto Twitter with all this Hashtag and constant updates crap happening. However, it’s worth noting that if you’re just updating people on your eating habits and how bored you are then don’t come on Twitter, the intellect is higher and we don’t want you.

The random add

There’s nothing more awkward when a man in a prison uniform adds you on facebook.

There’s always that one person who adds you, and you have no mutual friends, and they’re not even from the same country as you – it’s odd. I once had a man called Carlos from France add me on facebook, which came a week after a strange man called Carlos phoned and texted me saying he wanted to meet me.  I won’t lie, I felt like I was entering my own personal horror movie.


One thought on “People you’ll encounter on facebook.

  1. I had one friend who was a model oversharer — we got to listen to her break up with her boyfriend for two months via statuses like “he hasn’t called me, what happened.” She got hidden.

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