Sex Facts.

I wasn’t actually ever intending to publish this, but one very drunk and supportive person told me to ”FUCK IT, WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK” – indeed. Believe it or not, I actually come from quite a conservative family ”If you sleep with them they’ll think NOTHING OF YOU”, and whilst I do agree with some of the values I’ve been taught regarding things such as sex, I also have rejected some of them. For example. I think it’s perfectly natural and healthy to talk and joke about sex with your friends, instead of seeing it as some huge taboo subject, we should all be a little bit relaxed about poking some fun at. After all, life can be a bit tiresome at times but a good giggle about butt plugs always lightens the atmosphere! The point of this post isn’t to advocate sleeping with everything with a pulse (but if you do then stay safe!) or to go cracking sex jokes to your Grandma (especially if she has heart problems) but rather just to make fun of a subject that often feels like it’s a bit taboo to be spoken about at times.

I’d also like to point out that I gathered these facts from the internet which was arduous enough as I had to dodge the porn sites, so they or may not be accurate, but for the time being, we’ll pretend they are 😉

‘Blowjobs are illegal in Malaysia and punishable with imprisonment of 20 years maximum”

He’s just seen someone giving a blow job.

Firstly, I think this is a complete violation of someone’s human rights; if sombody wants male genitalia in their face then that’s their bloody business! Also, how exactly is this enforced? Do they have blowjob police or something? Patrolling the bedrooms with batons shaped like dildos? Also, the imprisonment of twenty years is completely and utterly ridiculous. Girls, if you get caught by Malaysian police giving someone a blowjob then you spend longer in prison than you would being pregnant and raising a bloody kid!

”The world record for the longest time spent masturbating to orgasm is 6 hours 30 minutes for a woman, and 8 hours 30 minutes for a man”

All I’m saying is that some people have way too much time on their hands, and that’s coming from an English student. Six hours is pretty much a working day for some people, and eight hours!? That’s more hours than what’s on my timetable! I don’t think I even get eight hours sleep! I don’t want to be graphic, (but I’ll go ahead anyway) but weren’t they chaffing? I bet the guy had to have a tub of vaseline on hand to ensure skin wasn’t coming off – grim.

The head of a man’s penis is shaped to scoop other men’s semen out of the vagina.

This fact puts images in my head that I don’t want. Can you imagine THAT scenario? ”Oooo, I see YOU’VE been busy tonight already, don’t worry I’ll take care of that” – BLUEEEEEEEEEEGH.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

Do they let them finish first? I bet they’d have a ball with the woman who took six and a half hours and the man who took eight – they’d have to bring coffee and sandwiches whilst they waited. I think decapitation would be more fitting for giving a blow job in Malaysia – you give head so you lose your head!

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

and this needed to be made a law….. why exactly? Apart from the creatures off Jeremy Kyle, I thought most people avoided having sex with a womand and her daughter. Apparantly in Bolivia they don’t. Also, I’ve never heard of Bolivia until now, and this is hardly makes me want to visit it,

Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.

How I eat my chocolate bars.

This explains why I eat so much chocolate then. This is a good reason to avoid losing weight as well ”Since I’m not having sex I need to biochemically compensate by gorging on this Dairy Milk bar – soz”.

Worldwide, sexually active adults have sex on average 103 times per year.

Am I the only one who doesn’t think that’s a lot? Fair enough if you’re single, sleeping with a 103 people a year is a bit eccessive, but if you’re in a relationship and actually like your partner, what’s the excuse? You should be having sex for all those people who are single and going without!

Approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate

And 10% of men and 35% of women are lying?

Black women are 50% more likely than white women to orgasm every time they have sex.

Being mixed race, I’m not sure where this puts me, 25% more likely? However, I’m cuirous to know why this is, maybe it’s because they’re strong independent black women who ”Don’t need no man” so therefore it makes them more selfish in bed. This definitelty makes me wish I was full black though.

25% of women think money makes a man sexier.

Listen to Kanye fells!

There’s a name for these women: gold diggers.


One thought on “Sex Facts.

  1. “Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.”

    – Sex is completely different than chocolate in so many ways:

    Chocolate, in so far as it is loaded with sugar (sugar – a drug 200 times more addictive than heroine which is the main cause of the obesity epidemic in America) is horribly unhealthy.

    Sex on the other hand, releases active hormones in your body that serve to nourish health, rather than destroying it.

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