The adult’s toys r us.
Ann Summers is amazing, and not just because it aims to enhance people’s sex lives, but because it’s the source of much needed laughter. When most people turn eighteen the one thing they look forward to the most is ‘’A night dahn taaaaawn!’’, I however put off this event till the summer and I’d completed my A levels (definitely not this dedicated to my education now). The one thing I DID endeavour to do though was to make a speedy trip to my local Ann Summers shop with my friends. I’d previously only ever glanced at it, far too scared to enter because I was UNDERAGE and I was convinced the staff would demand to see my I.D before turfing me out. I was understandably gutted when I entered the shop and wasn’t asked for my I.D.
My first trip to Ann Summers involved me and some of my amazingly immature friends who decided to shout ‘’GO TO THE BACK ZOE, GOOO OOOOON ZOEEEE!’’, so it felt like a complete walk of shame as I did as they bid and went to the mysterious area known as ‘’THE BACK OF THE SHOP’’. To be perfectly honest, it’s nothing special – it’s like any other shop with middle aged couples browsing the goods, except these goods are 8 inch dildos with little rabbit ears attached to them.
My second visit to Ann Summers was a bit more exciting. I went on my own for the first time to buy my friend a gift which was some jelly boobies before you ask – I’m sure that they would have loved a rampant rabbit but 40 pounds is slightly extravagant, I’d rather buy a carrot and some electronical equipment and make them one myself. Anyway, upon entering the store which prior to that I’d done the whole ‘’make sure nobody you know, like your Dad is around and sees you entering a sex shop and therefore destroys the wholesome image he has of you forever’’ head turn, I was accosted by a sales assistant. This usually happens in any shop, but this sales assistant was special, she was wearing a belt that had bullet vibrators attached to all the way round – she was like the vibrator police. I was slightly scared of her; I felt if I told her I wasn’t buying one of those today that she’d attack me with one, but at the same time I was thinking ‘’This woman is my hero’’. Of course, I then had the humiliating moment when she asked me if I needed any help, and I had to reply ‘’I’m looking for some jelly boobies’’, I definitely didn’t gain any sexual goddess points that day ( I think I’m currently in minus sexual goddess points, but that’s beside the point).
My other most memorable trip to Ann Summers was when me and my female flatmates were a bit (very) drunk and decided to go online and browse the goods. We saw some interesting things such as spanking paddles and a huge dildo called ‘’Mr Dick’’ which not only is an uninventive name but the size of the bloody thing meant it was more the size of an arm than that of the male genitalia. We made nicknames for each other, I won’t tell you mine because I’d rather not be associated with it, but it involved (un)hilarious punage with my last name and butt plug. One thing I learned that night was that An Summers and alcohol really helps bring people together, oh and males are very scared of drunk girls cackling over sex products and will tune them and their conversations out.
Ultimately, I think everybody should make a trip to Ann Summers both physically and virtually, the latter is a better experience if you’re with friends and have been consuming alcohol. It’s a great source of amusement and remember, you shouldn’t be embarrassed to make a purchase as they use discreet packaging 😉