Vending machines that sell used knickers (really).


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I have a friend who’s into anime in a major way, something that I have minimal interest in bar asking about stuff like hentai. However, our conversations are illuminating in that I’m given insight into Japanese culture, which to be perfectly honest, is a little odd at times. Being a little warped ( I prefer the term ‘’special’’), I’m not usually shocked about the things I’m told. However, when I was told about Japanese panty vending machines, I was actually blown away.

For those who don’t know, Japan has panty vending machines which basically hold women’s used knickers; you can go and purchase a pair, they even put the picture of the woman’s face on them so you know whose knickers you’re getting. If you don’t believe it then google it.To be honest, I admire the Japanese for putting a machine like that out in public, and I admire the people who go and purchase a pair publicly for being so open about the fact they sniff/lick/ do other things to explicit to state here to women’s used knickers.

However, all of this got me thinking: Would I ever volunteer to sell my own underwear through a panty vending machine? Objectively speaking, I couldn’t. It’s the halfway point between a porn star and a prostitute; you’re effectively selling yourself because there’s a picture of you on the front, but there’s no direct contact involved.

Also, I can’t imagine my Mum or Dad would be overly pleased about having to tell people ‘’Oh yeah ,Zoe gave up university to sell her used underwear to strangers, she realised she’d earn more money from that than her English degree’’, I’d probably be disowned, that or sent to a convent, although me selling used underwear suggests I wouldn’t exactly be welcomed with open arms there.

I also couldn’t do it because of the fact that I’d have to have my face attached to my used goods. Imagine walking down the street and someone stopping you and going ‘’I have a pair of your knickers, they taste GREAT!’’ If someone had stolen your underwear and said that to you then you’d be frantically stabbing 999 into your phone. However, if you’ve WILLINGLY sold them then all you could do is smile and say ‘’thanks’’ before quickly scuttling off with your head down.

Of course, there’s also the nightmare that you look in on one of those vending machines to see how your stock is doing and you see everyone else’s is selling nicely and you’ve yet to shift any. If that happened to me, I’d be gutted. You don’t want to sell such an intimate garment (that’s been USED) and see it’s barely selling , it would be humiliating. It would be like telling a girl she’s so ugly that she shouldn’t reproduce, or a guy he’s bad in bed. It’s something that is intricately entwined with your pride.

No, as open minded as I am, selling my underwear is definitely not an option. Maybe when I’m a graduate and unemployed I’ll think differently, but for now, they are safely confined to my wardrobe and thus the world can breathe a sigh of relief.

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